Rejected

Does being a Christian ever leave you feeling rejected by the world? We are told to expect that kind of thing. Jesus told his disciples “if the world hates you, know that it hated me before it hated you. If you were of the world, the world would love its own, but  you are not of the world. I have chosen you out of the world, therefore the world hates you.”

There is comfort in those words. Being rejected of the world could mean we are chosen by Jesus and taken out of the world, right?

What about when you’re rejected by those who are within the household of the Christian faith?

I trust Jesus, and he gets me through these times. Right now though, the rejection is weighing heavily on me. I don’t even know what the point is in writing this article. Maybe someday someone else who feels rejected like I do will be comforted. I certainly hope so.

Although the work I do here at KindlingTruth benefits me most in helping me grow, my hope has always been that someone else will benefit. Though some have been kind, mostly there has been rejection. I get why, and I try not to take it personally. It’s not like I deserve anything better.

So, why am I feeling so rejected? It’s not just about KindlingTruth. Not all have the taste for this kind of thing. The articles can be long and hard to read. Sometimes harshly worded. Contrary to popular beliefs. I get that.

I only have a dozen or so articles left before all of the planned series are done. If all goes as planned, I will have completed all the things I set out to write about by the end of April. That might be it for KindlingTruth, but I can’t say for certain.

Even though I’m almost done, I still feel like, what’s the point? No one is coming with me. No one is really receptive. No one sticks around for long. At the same time, the more I understand the more I feel like I’m groping in the dark myself. The more I know the severity of the Christian calling, the more sober-minded I get about it. What if I don’t make it? Then I focus on what Jesus has done in my life and I find hope so I keep going, even if I go alone. It’s hard to explain properly.

Along with KindlingTruth rejection, I cannot find a church I can belong to. I thought I found one. I noticed problems right away, but I thought I could make small compromises. Small compromises have piled on — and some not so small — until I feel like there is no place for me there either.

What really did it was the last service I went to. There was a song sung that struck me funny, so I just stood and listened to it. Comments were made about how if we really know God then we will be moved to sing and praise the Lord during service. I’ve never felt comfortable with that. I usually keep my excitement inward, though I have been moved at times during service at this church. I just don’t feel comfortable letting everyone else know. I’m a very quiet person in real life — not at all loud like in writing.

Well, to them this means I do not know God. But, they know God. That seems kind of vain to me to think any of us can really know God, then to go so far as to make a judgment about another’s relationship with Jesus because they are not comfortable with public prayer and worship. It was too much, and I don’t think I will go back.

There are other problems too. I’ve been taking issue with how they talk badly about Trinitarians and other believers, condemning all other denominations as apostate. Rolling out the red carpet for guest preachers, teaching my children about things in Sunday school that I do not think are age-appropriate. I’m done with it. I might be done with church all together.

side note: I never want to encourage others to leave church. I know it is good for many people, and I’ve seen the positive effects on their lives. I’ve also met some who feel like I do, and there are good reasons for it. We are Christians too. We should not despise church-goers, and church-goes should not judge us unrighteous.

After the last service I attended, I started thinking heavily about the Trinity. I’ve wondered over this for some time, and I wrote an article about it: Knowing God and the Gospel. (The title is meant sarcastically. I don’t know God like I want to.) I think this article upset some. Right after being dealt the final blow at the church I’ve been going to and writing this article, I was pushed away from Christians who I felt close to. I don’t know why for certain. They could not even love me enough to tell me. It’s almost too much.

The words I write are not received by family or the friends I once had (I have no more friends now). Facebook and WordPress are mostly unresponsive, and there is no notable affect on a single person after over 3 years of work. Hours and hours of work.

Sometimes I think, what in the world is wrong with me? Why am I rejected at every turn? There is family who I love and fellowship with. I am thankful. I thank the Lord that there are a few. Even so, the rejection can be hard to take.

Are there other people like me who feel rejected, who feel like they have a testimony to share but no one can receive it because it’s not traditional, simple, and soft? Are there people like me who come to care for people, just to be pushed away without explanation? Are there people like me who cannot find a church that they can fit in with? If so, I feel for you, and if you find this article send me an email. We can be rejects together. 🙂