I promised transparency, so, here’s a little bit of that. I value being honest. Being true to who we are and facing our sin struggles head on. Sometimes it can be honorable to put our best face forward for those who might be a little weaker in the faith, but I also know that showing our weaknesses can make us more approachable. More relatable.
So, here it is. Today was not such a great day. It wasn’t the worst I’ve ever had, but I definitely fell short of hitting that mark we Christians aim for. That Christly life.
I think, what makes it harder is when we have a hard day right after having an exceptional day. Yesterday was an exceptional day. I felt inspired to write a blog article, and the positive response was more than I hoped for. It felt good to have a positive affect on a few people. I got a letter in the mail from my brother who’s in basic training for the United States Army. I had a good conversation with a loved one who needed faith-based support. I rocked the work-at-home mom thing which usually leaves my head spinning.
Today, it was like the pendulum swung in the totally opposite direction. Work was hectic. My computer died twice, and the work did not auto save right so I had to start over. My deadline was looming, I yelled at my kid and made him cry. Terrible. I uttered some profane words in the midst of this also. How can the mouth that speaks of God do such vile things?
In my stress, I ate too much junk food. I made assumptions about someone and spoke them out loud before I had all the facts, then later realized I was wrong. I fed my kids corn dogs for dinner (making home-cooked meals that are healthy is important to me. I get it though when parents can’t always do that. I don’t judge them, but for me it feels like a failure). There’s more, but though I want to be true and transparent, I also have to consider people who might read this and the affects the things I write might have on them. At the very least though, you can see a few ways in which today I was not the heart of Jesus I want to be.
And all this right after writing an article about wanting to be just that. What is up, Lord? Why were my spiritual defenses, or whatever you’d call it seemingly completely down today? I got my butt kicked.
But, you know what? I’m going to get back up. I’m going to seek Jesus and consider what I might learn from today. I’m going to thank the Lord for His immense mercy and patience, and seek to have those things worked in me also.
The Christian journey is full of good days and bad days. I do believe, and I have experienced myself, that the bad days do get less and less, and those great days come more often. I hope you understand though, what I mean by bad and great. I don’t mean this according to this world, but according to living up to that righteous life given by grace through faith in Jesus.
Someday, I expect to have the tools, given by Jesus, to deal with all manner of difficulties without becoming stressed out, fearful, angry, or despaired. I expect trust and faith in the Lord to override all evil. Someday, I expect to really be able to turn the other cheek. Someday, I expect to judge things righteously always and not be caught off guard by a situation or allow my emotions and past pains to cloud my vision. Someday, I expect to practice what I preach. Someday, I expect freedom from all hypocrisy and sin–tangibly speaking.
These are hopes of our salvation, and though we have days when we fall way short and days when we get a little closer, Jesus is always steady and true. He will carry us onward and upward. His grace abounds and his goodness works mightily within our weakness. Tomorrow is another day. Tomorrow is the day of salvation. I will rejoice and be glad in it!