Despising My Youth

Let no man despise thy youth; but be thou an example of the believers, in word, in conversation, in charity, in spirit, in faith, in purity (1 Timothy 4:12).

I’ve tried to steer away from writing much about myself on KindlingTruth because I don’t want to make this about me, but about Jesus. That, and I tend to be a fairly private person.

Sometimes though, it can be helpful for people and for myself to have a kind of inside-look moment that people can relate to.

One of the things I struggle most with is despising my youth. I’ve only studied the bible seriously for about four years, have had the Holy Spirit for a little over 2, and as a 31 year-old, I’m just getting out of that stage of adulthood when we often think we know it all. At least I did.

I’m learning to trust the Lord in this, and it has been very relieving. When I write things and in the moment have understanding that I did not have before, this encourages me to continue because I know that even if my ability is lacking, Jesus lacks nothing. If this is a work he wants me to do, it will be done. If not then I will fail, and I believe I would have failed already if that were the case.

There’s something to be said about letting go and letting the Lord take control instead of giving into fear of what people think or fear of being inadequate. Does that mean my work is perfect? No, but there is improvement as I learn to listen to the Spirit more—which is something I still need to do better.

People generally expect certain things. They expect credentials or many years of study or at least many years of walking with the Spirit. I understand the wisdom in their expectations, but people should try to see the wisdom in God using someone who could not have done this on their own.

In taking someone who was so shy that she could not even talk to people and planned all outings around odd hours, who was full of self doubt and condemnation, who’s heart became hardened from a lifetime of difficulties, and who was near death from despair and turned her into someone totally different and used the hardship for good is amazing.

I could always be made more useful. I could always grow and stop struggling to lean on my own understanding. I could always do better about learning confidence without allowing vanities to seep in.

As I continue learning to trust the Lord more, fear subsides and life gets better. Not easier necessarily, but there’s something to be said about enduring difficulties with more peace. That’s a great thing us Christians have to look forward to as we learn this overtime.

Not only will he help me do this work, he changes me so that I am living proof of the gospel so that I will not be ashamed because of my bad behavior. I’ve lived with that shame, and I understand that struggle. I also know that the Lord rewards those who seek him diligently.

There are things that I still struggle with. People think that because they read my blog they know about me. They don’t. I am not someone to look up to and hopefully not someone to despise either.

Whatever we are doing as Christians, it is an ongoing process. People might ridicule you because your walk looks differently from theirs, but we are not bound to the judgment of man. The Lord will judge us, and we should not neglect what we are given because we fear what others might think.

If you struggle in this world because of people who would rather you sit down and shut up or make false assumptions about how you live your life, take it to the Lord. I’m learning not to judge according to my judgments because my ways are not God’s ways.

The things I write that sound like judgment are based on the word and confirmed by The Word in me, so those who read can take it our leave it. I don’t force anyone to read this blog nor do I talk about what I believe unless it comes up. I do what I do because my conscience compels me, not to gain a following or to force Christianity on others. I have to follow my conscience.

Well, enough of that for now. I’ve been going through some trials, obviously.  On to scheduled articles 🙂